Thinking on These Things...

The past week was a very stressful week for me for many reasons. But I ended it with a happy visit from my sister and her family, and today we started a new week by attending church, which is exactly how a new week should start, I think.

When I have had a rough week, I find that when the benediction is pronounced over us, it is like cool water down my thirsty throat. I want to soak in every drop of blessing. And tonight we were at the Lord's Table, another blessing after a weary week. It was hard to focus tonight, at first - I had such a to-do list waiting for me when I got home, and my mind felt a bit scattered. But the Word of God is truly living and active, and my time was blessed and yes, everything still got done before bedtime. One of my favorite songs of the moment says, "if to distant lands I scatter... would you find, and firm and gather, til I only dwell in Thee?" Sometimes I do feel scattered. I like the thought of being found, firmed, and gathered... put back together again.

This morning our associate pastor preached from a familiar passage in Luke, the one about Mary and Martha. His description of Martha was apt and sounded familiar: She was a conflicted woman. When am I not conflicted? :)

Our pastor has been preaching through John, and the previous two weeks were spent on the resurrection of Lazarus. And so, I have been giving a lot of thought to Mary, and some to Martha. I am more like Martha, by nature, and so I don't have to think much about her too hard to understand where she is coming from! But Mary, now that is an alien nature to my own, but one I find myself pondering and longing for.

The things I have been pondering regarding Mary are these:

1. Every single time we see Mary, she is at the feet of Jesus. Every time I could find her name, there she was.
Martha serves Jesus, she flies to Jesus, she speaks to Jesus and questions Him, she believes Him, she loves Him...
but Mary...
she sits at His feet, spellbound and fascinated.

2. Martha served with all her might. She loved by doing, and there is great good in that.
But Mary...
she loved by being...

3. Martha gave Jesus her time and her energy, her food, and her service.
But Mary...
she gave Jesus everything...
she was extravagant, impractical, lavish to the point of scandal. What she gave to Jesus brought her no "good reputation" as an excellent hostess or a respectable woman, nor did it serve to make her more desireable to a potential husband...
Mary's gift was worth a year's wages, and she poured it on Jesus' feet. Could this have been little Mary's dowry? She was obviously unmarried - did this bottle hold all her hopes for her future?
Did this perhaps represent her future security, just in case no one did ever come along? Did her father give her this, knowing one day she might need it to take care of herself with one day?
This was treasure indeed, and perhaps no one but Jesus knew what it truly cost her. In that moment, Mary was more like Christ than anyone in that room. Undesireable, scandalous, a bit ridiculous, embarassing, unpredictable, bold, determined, unreasonable, enigmatic. She was a picture of Christ in His death as she willingly, voluntarily, humbly, without thought to herself, sat at His feet and poured out her hope and love in a room full of people who could not appreciate the gift, and maybe even resented her for giving so much.

3. Mary was not conflicted. She was not bound. She was un-self-conscious. She did not calculate her cost. She was focused on One Thing. She knew who she was and where she belonged! She knew she was loved and redeemed, so she humbly, quietly abandoned herself to that One who loved and redeemed her, sitting right there where she belonged, at His very feet. She had a place and an identity and she was so secure in it that she gave without withholding a drop for herself.

4. When she poured out her gift, the whole house smelled beautiful. The whole house...

Well, I am the opposite of these things. This week I have been self-conscious, conflicted, anxious, confused, questioning and demanding, weary, frustrated, and irritated. I have prayed on more than one occassion for God to guard my tongue and make my paths straight; and I have bit my tongue and developed tension headaches. Overall, I feel like I have hung on by a thread, but this picture of Mary puts me to shame.

Oh, but God is good, and He exchanges our mourning for dancing - wasn't it fun to dance at my friend's wedding Friday night! - and He gives us times of refreshing as we keep Sabbath. He makes His yoke easy, and He makes the burden light.

So as I start another week, my goal is to start each day with this prayer from Psalms 5:

"But I, through the abundance of Your steadfast love, will enter Your house.
I will bow down toward your holy temple in the fear of You.
Lead me, O Lord, in Your righteousness...
make Your way straight before me...

let all who take refuge in you rejoice, let them ever sing for joy,
and spread Your protection over them,
that those who love Your name may exult in You."

Mary, like Christ, was the giver of the most precious things.
I want to be like that, too.

Our choir sang this song today and I was envisioning the words as I heard them - I thought I might write some of them across Jack's wall because they are powerful words and a beautiful prayer to begin and close each day with:

"Gracious Spirit, dwell with me, I would gracious be
Help me now Thy grace to see, I would be like Thee...

Truthful Spirit, dwell with me, I would truthful be
Help me now Thy Truth to see, I would be like Thee...

Holy Spirit, dwell with me, I would holy be
Show Thy mercy tenderly, make me more like Thee...

Mighty Spirit, dwell with me, I would mighty be
Help me now thy power to see, I would be like Thee..."

There is no way to be truly and deeply gracious, truthful, holy, or mighty without being with the Lord.
So I guess the question is, what do I really want?

Years before this Mary poured out her gift, another little Mary found herself on the floor with Jesus, too, as she "pondered these things in her heart." On this Lord's Day, as I start another week, it seems like a good place to be, and a good thing to do.

Happy pondering,