My dad has a birthday today, and I should have already had this posted for him to read - I meant to, I really did. But I didn't. So, I thought I would do it today, only my computer decided to go all wonky and I couldn't get on it. So there's a lesson for ya.
For my mom's birthday I posted some "Things About My Mom." I've been thinking about what to post for my dad, but they are all too random to end up as anything but prose, I'm afraid. So, without further ado, here are some "Things I Think About When I Think About My Dad" (in no particular order):
1. Daddy is a very handy person to have around. When I think about my Dad, I think about how I hope Jack will be like him in many ways. I want Jack to learn how to tie knots and go fishing. I hope he will always carry a pocketknife in his pocket and own plenty of handy tools. I also hope he will know how to use them, mostly.
2. When I think about my dad I think about how he doesn't do anything by halves. He's a funny mix of your typical procrastinator and the perfectionistic do-it-yourselfer. For example, I could very well hear him saying "we need to replace these doorknobs" for 30 years or so, while they all dropped off, because of course, he would want the very best Baldwin Brass knobs, and maybe he couldn't afford them yet.
Currently, my 61 year old Daddy needs to paint the windows in their house, but he wants to do them all himself. Up high. Alone. On a scaffold that he is considering buying. This will involve scraping paint OFF the windows before sealing them again. One at a time, and you have no idea how many windows they have. By the time he is finished, he will have to start again, and it will take up every vacation hour he has, I'm sure... but no one else could do it as well (and I'm sure he's right about that...) and it would be an insult to his injury to have to pay them for their mediocrity.
3. Following up on #2, when I think about my dad I think about how hard he has always worked. He really will do a better job on those windows than anyone else would. Like I said, he does nothing by halves. "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing well," and all that. My favorite saying, on the other hand, is "if it's worth doing, it's worth doing poorly," ha ha. I'm all about that "lick and a promise" you hear about, oh, but not my Daddy! But if you ask him to help you, you can bet he will do a good job and work hard at it. No "good enough" for him. It's a great "Daddy-ish" quality for a man to have. That is another thing that I hope Jack will inherit, but I think with each generation it's probably more of an effort to pass down, that work ethic. My brother inherited it, too, and now that I think about it, Jan and I both married people who are also hard workers. Those 4 men seriously are the hardest working men I know. So maybe there is hope!
4. Whenever I think of Daddy, I think of his integrity. He's always the same, everywhere he goes. And he's of an honest sort. He has passed these traits down to his son and even his daughters have chosen men who are likewise truthful men of integrity. Those 4 men I just mentioned, above, they really are the most honest men I know. When they say "yes," you can bank on it. When they say, "no," you can trust them. Daddy got that from his Daddy, who was known in their community for his trustworthiness, and so was his Daddy. It's a small town, where you can't fake it, either.
5. When I think about Daddy, I think about how many times he has chosen to serve others in the shadows rather than steal anyone's limelight. I can't remember Daddy ever striving for attention or rewards, but I remember many, many times when he was one of the last ones at a ballgame or a party, folding up chairs and sweeping up floors, sweating with the labor, never having to ask what to do. He simply did whatever he saw that needed to be done. I mean, think about that - how many men do you know who could look around and actually SEE what needed to be done, anyway? But of course, I never really thought about that much until I was an adult myself...
When I was growing up, it drove me crazy because I wanted to go home, like everyone else! I did not really enjoying hanging around while Daddy cleaned up. When I was young, I thought the limelight hoggers were still pretty cool. But then I grew up and got married and started hanging out with other people who were married to those "cool" limelight hoggers, and I realized what a ripoff that would have been, to think you married a man, only to discover you had married a little boy in a man's body. I would say my Daddy is a real man, and they are a rare find these days.
6. You know what else is a rare find? Thoughtful men. When I think about my Daddy, I think about how thoughtful he is, I really do! He is one of the best gift-givers ever, because he takes time to think about the person that he's buying for. He used to bring me back things from work trips hither and yon. A couple of times he stopped at museums, and bought me gifts from the gift shops. Once it was a box made from polished stones with real leaf fossils embellishing each one. It was really pretty and very unique. It has some kind of special wood on the inside, too, that smells very sweet. He brought me an oval ivory box once, which was lined with black velvet, with a kitty engraved on it that looked like our kitty. And once it was a pewter necklace with little tiny gold balls around it, that was fashioned after an ancient find from far away and long ago. And then there was "the gift that never was..." I remember once he said he saw a cape in a store and he told me all about it and how he had almost bought it for me because it looked like me, but there was some reason he didn't, I don't remember now... But you know what? I don't really mind that he didn't buy it... it really was the thought that counted. I still remember that he thought about me like that, a long time ago.
7. When I think about Daddy, I think about Christmastime because he loves it. He's always all happy and has a spring in his step at Christmas. He loves the music, and he loves tradition, he loves the kids, he loves for us to be there, and he loves picking the right gifts. He can be pretty sentimental and nostalgic, too. He remembers all the ornaments on the tree and where they're from and whose they are, and all of that. Every year he buys everyone a special Baldwin Brass ornament for our trees, and I think he takes great care to pick them out each year. They are intricately put together, with tiny details. One of these days I'm going to have to invest in another tree just to show off those brass ornaments!
Speaking of ornaments, I also still have some of the first ornaments we received after we were married, and guess who gave them to us? One afternoon, Daddy stopped by unexpectedly with Christmas ornaments for our tree. Every year when we pull them out, I remember how pleased I was, both to receive them and to have him stop by my little home that afternoon.
Daddy loves good food, so he always has the goodies stocked up for us on "Christmas Eve" as celebrated at their house. I do not know why, but one of my happy thoughts is of this one year when our hometown first got a Borders bookstore. When we visited mom and daddy, he had been to Borders, browsing, and he had bought some Christmas coffee there. He was on Christmas vacation, feeling mingly, and had been out all by himself, doing a bit of shopping, trying this good coffee, and deciding to buy a bit for later. Borders always had this little coffee bar there for sipping and tasting (this was before they put in the whole barista thing on one end of the bookstores!), and he had enjoyed himself. Every Christmas for some weird reason I pull that memory out and dust it off. I guess I like to imagine Daddy out enjoying himself at the holidays. (He probably wonders why I buy him Christmas coffee so often... now he knows.) ;)
8. When I think of Daddy, I think about how he is a kind person, and I hope my son will also be a kind person. I hope my girls will marry a kind person. Kind people make the best spouses and parents, I think. He does have a temper, nobody's perfect, but it's slow to flare. (look out if it does. You usually have plenty of time to duck, and if you read the signs well, you can be well out of sight before he blows, though!) Most of the time he's quiet. Maybe he holds too much in sometimes, but these days I think too many people make excuses to be unkind by saying stupid things like, "I'm just being honest," as if there were no other option (like shutting up!). I married a kind person, and my sister did, too, and I think there is a reason for that.
9. When I think about my Daddy, I think about what a great Papa he is to my kids. He always has been, but maybe I never would have really thought about it much until one day years ago, when Courtney was small and something happened to make me give that some consideration. Mom and Daddy once bought some furniture from a friend of mine, who also had a young son. She had recently been through a lot, and she was tired. When they were leaving, my mom and dad started playing around with her little boy, and soon he was having fun while they were saying goodbye and chatting. Later that week, this friend said to me, "I'll bet your parents are good grandparents, aren't they?" I said, yes, of course. She said, "yeah, well, my parents aren't really...I wish they were." She went on to tell me how they were so busy with their own church responsibilities and work, and how they didn't try to play with her son, and how their efforts to help her often ended up with more work for her in the long run, etc... She wasn't resentful, just wistful and tired. What was a normal thing for my parents to do was extraordinary to her to watch... and she opened my eyes to see something to be grateful for. My kids have lots of memories of Papa taking them on long walks, going fishing, playing chase, playing more chase, talking to them, and playing games. I wish I could post this picture I have of Papa and the girls laying down in a field feeling the warm sun and watching the clouds. They LOVED that day!!!!!
10. When I think of Daddy, I think about Disneyworld because he LOVES Disneyworld! We always take Papa with us because he's just as excited as the kids! This past year when we went, we had moved on to a new stage. Finally, the girls are enjoying Epcot. Their favorite day was when Papa and Jan and I took them around Epcot, trying different foods, sipping shaved ice, and riding all their little rides that they wanted to go on, just walking and talking and looking. Papa bought them a special treat, and they were in heaven. They still talk about that special day.
My favorite picture of my dad is sitting in my room in a simple little wood frame. I like it because it looks just like him. He has on his plaid flannel shirt, and worn jeans, and a hat pulled down to shade his eyes. He's carrying a walking stick, walking down the walking trail near their house. He always wears a hat and carries a walking stick when he takes the kids out. He ambles along, taking his time, as if he has nothing better to do. The kids run circles around him, and he looks at everything that they point to, and they look at everything he shows them. Claire says he knows about everything in nature. :)
Last year, I think it was early spring or late winter, we went home for a visit and Daddy was in the yard doing something in the raised beds along the drive. He was wearing overalls, a hat, a plaid chamois jacket of some sort, I think. I remember thinking so clearly, "That is so Daddy..." It was SO him it was rather startling, like he was wearing his inside on his outside. He looked like a grandfather but very "Daddy" at the same time, and he was obviously glad to see us, which I always find endearing. Oh, it's nice to be looked for. Anyway, that was when I began to realize that Daddy is more and more coming into himself - the older he gets, the more comfortable he seems, and the more "himself" he seems to be becoming. That gives me incredible hope, because I don't want to lose myself as I age, either... I hope I will continue to grow and learn about myself and about the world, like he has done. He has told me more than once that just when he thought he was getting close to "kick-back" time, he has discovered that there is no such thing. Life never stops teaching you, and God never stops challenging you. I would be happy to age as gracefully as he has.
From A Window Over the Kitchen Sink by Peg Bracken:
"A kindly man.
Yes, and even better, a first-rate grandpa, the kind that took you seriously and lightly all together in just the right proportions, a truly accomplished grandpa, who could give lessons in the gentle art today if he were around and able to get the boys in from the nineteenth hole.
Of course, it would help if they would shed the bright polyester pants and golf shoes and dress like grandpas, too. It was a comfortable feature of those days, how people dressed their age and gender, instead of the omni-age omni-sex lifestyle we follow now, with everyone wearing everything...
And grandpas carried canes or walking sticks. Fuddy-duddies or curmudgeons used theirs to lean on or to threaten whippersnappers and flibbertigibbets with [my personal favorite Daddy expression is, "I'd like to yank a knot in his tail."]. But Grandpa used his cane to poke things or run along picket fences. It made a highly satisfactory noise...
Best of all, though were the long walks we would take after supper. Fine old serendipitous times those were, those walks with Grandpa in the summer dusk. We would play walking games... Then Grandpa's nose might start to itch, which meant we were nearing hidden treasure...
Grandpa felt that 'love one another' should be retranslated into 'put up with one another on the theory that we have to crawl a good while before we can walk, and he had no reluctance about saying so. And he had his own categorical imperative: 'Solve your problem without making one for somebody else.'
[That should be #11... Yes, he does just that. As soon as I read that, I thought of him, and so, yes, when I think of Daddy, I think of that kind of thing... and #12 is that I think he is very gracious and extremely loyal to his family and friends, perhaps to a fault... and he never, EVER complains.]
As I may have mentioned, my grandpa was a very kindly man."
And so is my Dad.
Happy Birthday, Daddy. I love you!
Jen
